


I Hear Oblivion

by Venustas



Category: Supernatural, Supernatural AU
Genre: Cute, Destiel - Freeform, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, M/M, Romantic Fluff, SPN - Freeform, Smut, Supernatural - Freeform, Supernatural AU - Freeform, cas, planned smut, spn au, supernaturalau
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-19
Updated: 2014-08-27
Packaged: 2018-02-13 19:26:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2162283
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Venustas/pseuds/Venustas
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>23 year old, Dean Winchester, is coerced by his single mother to go to university. Dean doesn't care about anyone. He's conceded, rude, and always self-indulged. His mother dreams that the subjection to social areas, besides the bars and clubs he goes to, will change his ways. </p><p>He was a teenager when his father died of cancer; merely 15. Ever since, he has grown into a man of stored pall and pique. He wishes to discontinue his life and has plans to grant it.</p><p>His odyssey into a Calculus I class may allow him to espy meanings, compassion, and the modus to love one man unconditionally.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Eyes

"Are you serious?" Dean Winchester was not the average, patient man. "There is no fucking way." His mom growled shortly, and then rubbed her eyes. She was an emotional wreck... especially from the late-night parties and drugs.

"Dean, baby," She sniffled and wiped the tears from her eyes.

Before she could say anything else, she broke into a fit of more tears and Dean embraced her. "Mom, don't," he whispered into her ear. He loved his mother dearly, he really did. He just didn't want to sacrifice his party time. "I'll go." She nodded slightly against his chest and hugged more tightly.

"Even if you won't do it for me, do it for your dad." She pulled away a bit and looked up at him, ruffling back his hair. She smiled softly and held him for a short time longer before giving him a pat on the back. "You'll do well. Good night."

"Yeah," he muttered lazily, mentally throwing a fit because he had been guilted into another task. Soon he was off to Sammy's room.

"Get out!" Sammy tried to shove out Dean as soon as he strode in. "I'm serious!" Still he persisted and stood where he was. The older sibling only grabbed his kin and brought him to a neck brace, rubbing his knuckle into the shiny, brown waterfall of hair.

"You need a haircut, kid." Dean chuckled and looked at the now smiling 15 year old looking almost straight forward at him. "Damn," he realized. "You're gettin' tall." The thought brought emotion to the surface. He remembered when he was 15, and Sammy was 7. He had never been told the truth. He didn't know why he didn't have a dad.

***

Cancer is a disgusting disease that should never be wished upon any living soul. It's a cruel illness.

***

Beside the bed in the small dorm, sat a night stand with a buzzing, ringing phone. He groggily picked it up and answered.

"Dean, get up!" Day one of university, this was going to be hell. "First day!" He could hear her squeals over the phone and smiled sleepily.

"Morning, Mom," he groaned. She began to say something, but Dean cut her off. "I'm getting up, I've got to go. Goodbye, love you." He hung up immediately and dragged the pillow beside him over his face.

It took him about ten minutes to drag on some slouchy jeans, and a black Kansas tee. His hair was a tousled, sexy botch, and he smelled like soap and diesel. A comforting smell to any mechanic.

9:20

He needed to hurry if he didn't want to arrive late with the colorful calculus textbook, black spiral, and his chewed, green pen. His father had given it to him for his 15th birthday. He pushed open the double doors to a calm, whisper-filled class. The professor obviously hadn't arrived yet. He turned to look around and bumped into a slightly larger figure than himself. "Dammit, sorry." he growled under his breath.

He looked up to see who he had bumped into. "Hello," greeted his professor. His eyes were stunning. They were a sky blue that had been frozen with specks of white stone. Dean gulped, his heart palpitating.

"Hey," he mumbled. Nerves inside of him pulsated quickly and his thoughts became lost. "Oh, um sorry." he apologized. He turned quickly and found to a seat, cutting off the blue-eyed, dark brunette man.

"Alright, good morning, good morning." He had an unexpected kind of voice. He looks as if he could fit a low ranging vocal output, but it was like his. "Everyone needs to take out their book and turn to page 54. We'll begin here today." Dean fumbled with the pages, hardly taking his eyes off of the beautiful gentleman.

"This is bullshit," a scrawny student called. The professor looked up slowly and nodded towards the door. He clearly doesn't deal with that style of behavior. The kid shook his head and threw his head back in irritation.

"For derivative formulas, you're going to want to write these down."

The class was long. There was no way around that. Dean inhaled the words the the professor breathed out. He wrote down everything, even if he didn't understand it. The world didn't know that Dean Winchester was a math freak. He was insanely talented in the subject, but couldn't give more than a fraction of a shit to use his gift.

Someone's watch beeped and the professor looked at his clock. "Okay, get out." A few people laughed and everyone filed out quickly. This left the Winchester alone, packing up his materials very unnoticeably slow. "Dean, is it?"

His heart quickened whilst brown dress shoes approached and he looked up. There stood the most beautiful man he had ever seen. He sat in one of the chairs sideways and took a bite from the yellow apple. Dean nodded slowly.

"Great!" he smiled. "I'm Mr. Elks, but I mostly just go by Cas." Cas looked him up and down, examining every detail and feature. "I see you've just joined my sessions." He took another chunk from the apple and gave a friend grin. The goofy look made Dean smile.

"Yeah, my mom wanted me to come." Cas nodded, understanding where he was coming from. "I promised her since after--" he stopped so suddenly.

"After what, Dean?" Cas was one of the very few professors at the university who cared about every individual student rather than just wanting to teach them.

"Its nothing," He dropped the subject quickly, continuing to pack his supplies.

"I know we hardly know each other, but you can talk--" The cut off was sharp and to the point.

"I said, it's  _nothing."_ he growled sharply, walking down the tiered rows and out the door.


	2. Blue

The clouds in the sky had gone from white to grey in just that one class. Students chased each other playfully, while others only walked and chatted. A small group of students passed by him, girls staring with a partially open mouth.

The tint of the sky was blue, but the grey clouds covered any sunshine. Only small patches still show bare. "Dean!" A female voice called out from behind him. He turned to look.

"Lisa, hey." He didn't want to talk, he wanted to go back to his dorm.

"Dean, how are you?" Her voice was breathy and short. "I haven't seen you since 8th grade. You just disappeared." How could this keep coming up? It made him nauseous just thinking about it.

"I need to go. I have homework." He tried to run from her, just like every other problem.

She grabbed his arm "Wait, come on." He stopped to jerk his arm out of her grip.

"I need. To. Go."

He tried avoiding everyone, but of course, a few would bump shoulders making him look up and mumble an apology. He made it to the parking lot before just throwing his supplies in his car and getting his workout clothes out. He changed in the back when the lot cleared, and left for the gym.

Dean arrived to a near empty center and went straight to work. He completed his 5k for a cardio workout/warmup, though he spent a majority of the time focusing on abs and arms. He held a 10 pound weight in his right hand whilst doing 2 reps of 25 sit-ups. He completed two rounds, switching arms.

Thinking never occurred for him at the gym. "Hey," A familiar voice greeted him from a distance behind him. He turned to find Cas in a muscle tank. His abdomen regions were soaked and the outline of his six-pack shone through. He stared for a moment, not noticing that he was biting his lip.

"Are you okay?" Dean came back to a realization of the situation.

"Hm? Oh, yeah. I'm fine." He wanted to uppercut his professor, but had a stronger urge to throw him to the wall and kiss him. It was an awkward silence of standing around for a moment, but Cas broke into chat.

"Right, well I'll see you in class on Wednesday." He left casually and Dean leaned back on the wall, releasing a heavy sigh.

"Damn."

***

The next two days were slow, but he breezed through his physics and engineering classes. They were classes that he and his mom had made a compromise on.

He didn't really plan to be an engineer, but it seemed reasonably interesting. It could help him with cars. Even so, he didn't find much meaning in life. He had tried suicide once. It was right after his father had passed. All of the pills he took, the remainder of his father's kemo medication. It wasn't a lot, but there was plenty for what he had planned.

The phone on the beside table vibrates rapidly. "Mom?" Dean was quizzical due to the fact she was suppose to be working on a case in Jersey. "I thought you were working..." He didn't have much else to say.

"Sammy knows." This alone was enough to make Sammy's heart stop. 'How?' he wanted to ask, but she already had begun to explain. "The kids at school told him. Do you remember Ricky?" Ricky was the kid who broke Sam's finger and gave him two black eyes. Ricky, of course was suspended, but he returned to school in 4th grade. He had left Sam alone for a while, up until now.

"Son of a bitch, I need to teach that kid a lesson," His mother sighed heavily and went into a deep explanation of how it is inappropriate for him to say such a thing.

"Mom I need to go. I have calc." He hung up quickly, relieved to be alone to think, but also very pissed. He kicked the side of the bed causing a loud bang.

He slowed his breathing and sat. He needed time to think, but that was time he didn't have. His class started in ten minutes.

9:25

He stumbled in just as Cas greeted the students. All attention turned to Dean Winchester for a short moment before Cas motioned to the tiered rows of seats. He hesitated, staring into the vivid blue eyes.

He quickly walked to his seat, not making eye contact with anyone. He took a seat hurriedly. "Dumbass," came the scrawny, non-votive student from the corner. Dean turned and rolled up his sleeves, revealing his sizable build. He smirked as the kid cowered down.

"Dean, would you like to explain how I got my answer?" He pointed to a derivative problem and smiled. The board read, 'y′ = −(y+y2+2xy)'.

His explanation was lengthy, but still correct. "Right right, good." There was a surprise hint to his voice. "Everyone turn to page 87."

He had lost track of time again and was still packing up. "Dean?" He stared up into the same blue eyes he had days ago. When he bumped into him and caught sight of them. "Do you already understand this material?" He did. He was a whiz. He took Calculus AB and BC in high school.

"Yes, sir."

"Cas," he corrected. "Why are you in here?"

"My mom," He didn't want to get into it again. Cas took a step closer and Dean bit his lip. His eyes; they were so beautiful. He couldn't get enough. It was like a drug.

"Is that all?" He leaned forward, and put his hand on the table behind Dean. A light pant in his breathing, he answered.

"No," Cas kept a straight face, a beautiful straight face.

"Would you be willing to tell me?" Dean's impatient attitude got him nowhere besides Cas' lips.

Their lips mingled softly and slowly, savoring the moment. The professor ran his hand up the back of Dean's hair, deepening the moment. Cas pulled away gently, staring into Dean's face. "Hello, Dean." He smiled softly.


	3. First Snow

Dean had to go to yet another lecture tomorrow, but he need to ready himself for tonight. He only really enjoyed calculus for obvious reasons. The kiss had been the highlight of his entire university experience. He bit into his lip as the thought surfaced.

\\\

"Hello Dean." Cas' voice was slow, but still threaded with a pant. "So I see," Cas smiled slightly. "This is the real you." He reached out and placed a hand softly on Dean's. "I like it."

"I guess so," He chuckled a bit and sat down in the seat nearest. Cas imitated in the seat a row ahead, and turned towards him. "Tell me something," Dean began. Cas nodded for him to proceed. "You taken or married or somethin'?" Cas smiled and looked down for a moment, almost embarrassed.

"Um, not exactly." Dean's jaw nearly dropped at the answer. This was shocking, especially with Cas being such an attractive gentleman.

"Wow, really?" He couldn't hide the suprise in his voice. Cas grinned again and gave a small "yep". Cas began to say something, but halted himself. "What?" Dean looked at the beautiful man before his eyes curiously. Cas only shook his head. "No, tell me."

"Would you maybe, I don't know..." Dean looked at him inquisitively for him to continue. "Do you want to go the a ball?" The Winchester didn't understand at first, but caught on.

"A dance?" Cas nodded shortly. "I don't dance." Cas smiled softly.

"Come on, you'd enjoy it. It's not a typical ball. It's at a downtown country club." Dean assumed his classes would interrupt... or was he just using that as an excuse? "It's a formal, but if you aren't inclined to dress up, you by no means have to." Dean gave the same adorable lopsided smile.

"Okay." Cas held Dean's hand firmly.

//

A knock came at the door and Dean pulled his headphones out. Another few knocks and the Winchester pulled himself out of bed. He opened the door to an emotional mother and an irritated little brother. "Dean, baby," she sobbed. His om pulled him into a tight embrace as Sam stood there angrily.

"Hey Mom," He laughed into her shoulder, almost too glad to see her. These past couple days had been confusing, dificult and sometimes upsetting. She released him and she made a bee-line for his bed, laying down. "You alright, Mom?" he saw her eyes were shut.

"Yes, yes, it's just a client. She's been giving me all kinds of things to do. I get migraines now and again." Dean only nodded, understanding how difficult clients could be. He turned back to his little brother and held his arms open. Sam only stood there, straight face. "No? 'Ight kid." The 15 year old Winchester gave a small grin and hugged Dean. They stood there for a while until Sam pulled away, clearing his throat. Dean lifted a cleanched fist and Sam bumped it with his. "Sup?"

"Nothin'" is all Sam said.

"How're you? Especially with all of this going--"

"Dean!" His mother's voice was laced with irritation as it vociferated through the dorm. "Please. Could we not go through this right now?" Dean only huffed slightly.

"Okay," he muttered. "I need to go to class." It was bit late in the day, so when his mom sat up she cocked her head to the side. "Professor was sick today, he rescheduled." he lied casually.

She nodded and rose. "Come on, Sammy."

"Sam" he corrected grumpily. She have a small nod and left through the door. Muttering something about Dean not calling enough. He chuckled lightly and shut the door. Over in his closet sat a dark army green suit with a black tie. He showered in the shower room and walked back in a towel.

The Winchester began buttoning his white shirt and pulling on his jacket. His bottoms were a matching green and his dress shoes were brown. Everything was perfect. He sprayed some cologne on and spiked his hair. "Great,"

Outside, he waited by his '67 black Chevrolet impala. Up walked a finely dressed, blue-eyes gentleman in a white suit, and black bow tie. "Cas, wow." He let out a small laugh of nervousness. He hadn't had a relationship or date since 8th grade. Lisa. "You clean up nicely." he added.

"Thank you, Mr. Winchester." Dean pulled the passenger door open for him to slide in. Once done, he stepped over to the driver side. Soon the faint sputter of the engine roared to line and they were off.

Cas explained directions along the way, making things easier. Dean assumed Cas was a natural GPS.

***

Upon arrival at the country club, it smelled of foods and leathery-perfume mixes. Dean opened the door for Cas and held his hand for support as he stood. "This is beautiful." Dean's voice was quiet.

"I know you are," Cas threw back in a hushed voice. " Dean could only smile. "Come along." Cas held out his hand and Dean accepted it with free will.

There they sat at a round table draped with a white cloth and two candles resting in the center. The chatter was soft and the room was dimly lit. Small wall lamps and a few softened ceiling lights radiated. Cas folded his hands and laid them on the table lightly. "Why did you agree to come with me tonight?" Cas didn't beat around the bush or waste any more time thinking about it. Dean looked up from the champagne glass he swirled in his hand.

He knew he was being boring, he just had tense nerves. "Sorry. I'm just nervous." He played with his hands and leaned on the table.

"Nervous? Dean," he was trying to be calm with his words. "Don't be nervous." Dean tried to smile, but it all made him uncomfortable. He hadn't dated since his dad had...

"I know. I'll try."

"Promise?" Cas put his hand out and Dean set his in it.

"Promise."

At the very second, a familiar song came on. "You wouldn't happen to be a follower of Claude Debussy, would you?" Reverie played softly from the near ballroom. The man dress in a dark army green suit smiled deeply and shook his head yes. Cas rose slowly, pulled for Dean to follow. He did as gestured walked to an elegant ballroom, the piano music still being produced melodically through the room. "Would you like to dance?"

Dean chuckled nervously and reached out for the soft hands welcoming him. They swayed slowly, back and forth, taking small steps. "I really like you, Dean." He dropped his hand, gliding to the small of his partner's back. "I hope you know that."

"I do," His fingers traced swirls on Cas' shoulder lightly. "What's you full name?" The question was bit spontaneous, but still be answered.

"Castiel," Dean's expression changed quickly. He knew that name. His mother told him a story about his grandma. Castiel was an angel whom she met the day before her passing. She told them it his mom about the dream in detail, though she could only remember parts. She talked all about him. His blue eyes, she couldn't get over them. His dark brown hair... Dean's eyes glanced back and forth across his face. There was a confused look drawn on Castiel's face. Like a curtain of inquisitive looks. He heard the soft breathing and blinked quickly multiple times. The sound he couldn't place. It's like I hear oblivion. He shook his head lightly and pressed his chest to Cas'. "Why?"

Dean shrugged slightly. "Just wondering." Cas sighed quietly. The music cascaded into a gradient of piano notes of Kevin Keller's, First Snow. "I'll be back," He ripped away almost too fast for Castiel's comfort. The warm figure gone. Dean sped out uncomfortably, barging into the nearest bathroom.

He knelt over the toilet, clenching his abdomen. The nausea was rough, brutal almost. He huffed quickly, thoughts rolling in. 'I promise, graduation will be the best day of your life.' The memories flooded his brain, making the feeling intensify.

First Snow. The song his dad had requested for his funeral. The song that played at his dad's funeral. The song they put his dad to rest to.

The door swung open quickly, and Dean fell back from his kneeling position against the side of the stall, tears streaming down his cheeks. He was breathing hard, his head was spinning. All he wanted was to see his dad. 23 year old Dean Winchester was alone, he wanted someone to fill the hole his dad blew in his soul. "Dean?" Cas held large amounts of concern in his voice. "Dean, come out please. Let me hold you." Comfort washed over him just as the voice reached him. Cas. He wanted Castiel to hold him, love him, touch him. He wanted to forget everything.

He gradually pulled back the lock, trying so very desperately to dry his tears. "I'm sorry, I ruined tonight." Cas shook his head.

"No, honey you didn't." He held his arms opens and Dean fell into them. He felt better already knowing he was safe in the arms of an angelic man. They sat on the bathroom floor while tears dripped from his eyes. Castiel cared about Dean a lot, and to see him like this really hurt him.

***

The ballroom had grown to be slightly crowded and had started to darken. The skylight was now empty of the twilight ombré and the lights continued to soften. "Would you like to go back to my place? The dorms aren't very privy." Dean nodded almost sleepily and they left.

Dean listened to the directions while a Kansas song played in the background. It was a long drive, nearly an hour, but they arrived safely. "Dean?" The Winchester looked over. Before he could register, his lips were being brushed against by others. His hair tangled with a soft hand.

Castiel pulled away slowly, staring into the moonlit green eyes.

They got out quickly, and Cas opened his door to a one-person house. The place smelled of a bakery and warm caramel. Dean shut the door behind him. The house was located in a small collection of trees. It was hidden from all sides with a someone large driveway. The privacy was perfect.

Cas held his shoulders to the door and pressed his lips to Dean's. They mingled lightly, producing an atmosphere that Dean had never experienced. "Cas," he moaned as Castiel trailed kisses down his neck. His hands twisted through the dark brown, almost black, hair. His pleasure was almost immeasurable... until he stopped. He opened his eyes in confusion just as his hand was pulled at.

"Come 'ere." He was quiet as he strolled upstairs with their hands needled together. He opened a door at the top with ease and it creaked open. He pulled Dean over to the large bed and threw him down. Dean wanted more. He wanted Castiel to touch him in so many different places. Their lips curved to match one another's shape, their tongues fighting for dominance. Cas began to unbuckle Dean's belt and pulled the tie loose.

Dean unbuttoned his shirt quickly, fumbling with every single button. He finally pulled the jacket off, leaving the white shirt draped open. Castiel pulled off his dark green trousers and threw them to the floor. His turn now.

He removed the entire suit, leaving the black bow tie. Dean bit his bottom lip as Cas rolled onto the bed next to him. Both lay on their back, panting, almost entirely naked. With a swift movement, Dean turned Cas' head moving closer to caress with his lips.

Cas grinned against the touch of his lips and slid his hand down to the hardened lump in Dean's boxers. "Are you sure?" Even though they had the house to themselves in the woods, his voice was still a whisper.

"Yes," he breathed.

***

Dean woke to an empty bed. He longed for the warmth of his partner. A small gust of wind pushed the ajar door open further. Castiel walked in slowly, and leaving the door wide open behind him. "Good morning," he smiled lightly. "I've made breakfast."

"Mm, morning." he groaned. "I'll be down soon." Cas left for him to gain his morning stability. He pulled off the covers and looked down at his bare skin. "Oops." He thought back to last night, smirking. He threw on the white button down shirt not bothering to button it. His pants were decently slouched without the belt buckled and hung from his hips loosely.

Down in the kitchen, he draped his jacket over the chair set opposite of Castiel. He didn't have anything in front of him, only a glass of water. He sat and poked at the eggs gently. He set his fork down and looked up nervously. "What?" Cas looked at him with curiosity.

"I want..." How was he suppose to go about this? "I want you to meet my mom." Cas hesitated at first. "I understand if you don't, but she won't tell anyone."

He sighed with irritation. "Fine," Dean threw a smile at him, and stood up. He gave him a hug and Cas chuckled in his ear. It was nervous and light, but still genuine.

Dean had already called his mom after he was ready. He dropped Castiel off at the campus to drive his car back home, which was a shorter distance from the country club to the house. He wore sweats that hung from his hips, swaying as he walked. He waited just as he did the night before. Cas strolled up wearing jeans and a t-shirt.

"Nice clothing choice," he joked. He got in just as Dean did twiddling his thumbs and bouncing his foot. If there was one thing Castiel could not do, it was hide his nerves.

They arrived to a freshly mowed yard with perfectly tended to flowers. Dean smiled at his home, missing it a lot. He got out and opened Cas' door allowing him out into the perfectly pampered driveway, swept and hosed down. His hand shook noticeably and Dean grabbed it. "It'll be okay."

Dean opened the front door and peeked in. "Mom?"

"Dean? Why are you home?" She ran up and pulled him into a hug. She have a kiss to the cheek and looked at him, waiting for a response. She glanced behind him and began to hyperventilate. "Dean," She held a hand to her chest as if it was hurting.

"Mom, what's wrong? Are you okay?" She pointed behind him, everything shaking.

"Mom! Get up!" He shook her arm, waiting for a second. 'I need to take a pulse,' He shut his eyes to calm down. He reached up to touch her wrist and she opened her eyes sharply. She dropped to the ground still holding her chest, breathing hard. The horror in her eyes clear as day.

"Angel," she wheezed out. He turned to look at Castiel, but he was gone.


	4. Bridges

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> warning: them feel tho.

"Mom?" She calmed down, allowing herself a clear breath. "Angel?"

"It's Castiel," She sat up, leaning back on her hands. "He's an angel of the Lord." Dean lowered his brows slightly in confusion. He knew about Castiel being the name of the angel his grandma saw, but there's not any possible way it could be him. It's a sin for a man to lie with another man. An angel of the Lord would never disobey his father.

"No, Mom," he began. "He's my boyfriend." Her mouth dropped about ten inches as if she was a snake unhinging her jaw. She got up quickly, stumbling over her own feet, running upstairs. He just stood there; rejected. Was his mother disowning him?

He stood for five minutes and then began to recollect himself to leave. He placed his hand on the knob, turning just slow enough for his mom to return. "Dean, I need to show you something." He spun around to find her eyes releasing tears as fast as his thoughts. In her hand she gripped a medium-sized paper.

He walked towards her and she held out the paper. On it was a sketch... of his professor. He turned, putting his hand on his forehead. "No, that can't be."

"It is," His heart quickened, feeling of betrayal washed down him. The things he shared with Castiel. His touch, his pleasure, the feeling of someone being there for you; all of that was never true. Why would Cas use him like that? "I'm so sorry Dean."

She dragged him into a hug, silently crying. With everything going on lately, it seemed so easy for him to cry. So easy for him to lose it. It was like he was camping and just lost his compass. He needed to regain his bearings, but he couldn't. "I need to go," He pulled out of the hug, wiping his tears on the shoulder of his shirt.

In the car, he held the sketch of Cas. In the corner was a date and name signed. Diane Winchester, 1-3-1983.

"Dean," The Winchester jumped leaning away from the angel in his car. "I'm sorry." Dean shook his head angrily and hit the steering wheel.

"You let me open up to you. You lied to me!" Dean could no longer hold it in. Anger ripped through him like white hot anger. "You let me fall for you!" The hurt on Cas' face showed. "Why?" Dean lay his head on the wheel, nausea pulsing. He couldn't look at Castiel.

"Dean," His voice was shaking. "I don't know what happened." Dean had  _nothing_  to say to Cas. "Angel... Yes, I'm an angel and not even I understand why I've begun to show human feelings. This is new to me." The nausea was getting worse as Dean opened the door, clenching his stomach. He leaned back, laying an arm over his face. He knew that if Cas talked again, he would throw up. That being exactly what he did. "Dean,"

He covered his mouth and held up an index finger, hushing Cas. Unexpectedly, he was being touched by the angel. Two fingers rested on his forehead and the nausea was gone. Panic rolled over Dean. "What the hell was that?" He couldn't contain himself.

Castiel sighed and shook his head. "You're very.... inquisitive today."

"Out," he growled. "Just get out, please." Cas didn't say anything. Dean blinked and his angel was gone. This hurt Dean, not that he was an angel, but because he trusted Castiel more than anyone to tell him the truth. He cried in Cas' arms, only to be lied to that he was some college professor.

The drive back to the dorms seemed like forever, but he knew once he had gotten to the gym, things would be different.

He wore a muscle tank that displayed his build, and shorts that complimented his lower thigh and calf muscles. He wanted to run from his problems, but he knew that his job was to take care of his mother and definitely Sammy. He got on the treadmill, shoving in ear buds to drown out the world. There Dean Winchester was, alone and fighting. Every second he felt the pain well up inside of him, pulsing. And every moment was a new opportunity to rid of it.

He had to stop after the 4 miles was up. He couldn't keep going. He couldn't keep this train of thought on a circle of repeat. He made a break for his car and sat inside. His head lay still on the steering wheel, foot tapping. Tears rolled down his face, and though some would say he is strong physically, his state of mind was not.

It began to thunder and lighting, rain pouring down heavily. He pulled up to his destination, removing the green pen from his glove compartment. Engraved was a small, one-word message. "Promise."

He took sheets of paper, tears dripping on the lines. He scribbled neatly, but efficiently fast.

"Mom, I am so sorry. I love you, and Sammy too. I know that this hurts you more than anything, but I can't do this anymore. I was never able to. I didn't realize this until now.

Sammy, you're my best friend and when you grow old and pass, you better come see me. No matter where I end up. Don't forget me little brother. You'll always be the same shaggy-headed boy I grew up with. Every moment before that was boring."

He didn't bother writing anything to Castiel. He didn't need to. He had said everything to him in person. Dean stepped out, his clothes soaking the very moment he exposed himself to the moist, humid atmosphere. The river roared below the 100 foot bridge. The middle of the bridge had been a temporary parking place for his shiny black impala. He ran a hand across the hood, whispering an apology.

His heels rested on the edge of the empty bridge, teetering between life and death. He crouched, praying one last apology. "Dean!" a gruff voice yelled from behind. It only startled Dean, releasing his grip on the rusted metal frame. The air resistance took his breath away, the rain falling at the same speed as him, his life fading out in a sharp transition.

Around the waist of the now motionless Winchester, were soft hands and a feathery texture. Wings like an angel.

"Sir!" His lungs stung as his eyes shuttered. "Are you okay?" He rolled over, disgorging water. His throat burned and he was cold. That's all he knew. He was cold and sore. The man patted his back lightly and he rubbed his eyes. "I saw you fall and a man jump in after you. Next thing I knew, he pulled ya to shore and just disappeared."

'Dean!' He could still hear Castiel's rumbling voice as he passed into a seemingly endless sleep.

***

The heart monitor beeped casually. The pace slowed as were his thoughts. The palpitating was subtle and he rolled over mumbling soft things. His skin still felt cold to the touch, and felt even colder underneath. Dean felt tired. That's almost all he ever felt, was tired. "Dean," his mother whispered, still questioning whether he was awake or not.

"Mom?" His voice was hoarse when he answered, but he more than anything, was glad to see her.

"Hey," She smiled, tears welling up. "How are you feeling?"

"Like shit," She laughed slightly and kissed him on the forehead. "Can I have some water?" She nodded and left immediately to obtain the liquid. Just as she exited, a 15 year old teen popped in. "Sammy," he smiled.

Sam only scowled. He wanted his brother to be okay, but he felt so abandoned that he was just willing to leave like that. Not even saying a proper good bye. "Sammy,"

"You promised!" Sam was done. "You're suppose to be my role model. What the hell is this?" Dean was rendered speechless. He gulped, the monitor beeping rapidly. "Huh?" He shook his head and turned, walking to the door. "Whatever. Dad would've been there for me." Anger heated the blood in Dean's veins; pure, white hot anger.

"You don't know shit about Dad! Alright? You didn't grow up in the conditions I did. I knew him twice as long, and I'm sure you didn't even begin to understand the pain of it all!" Dean's scratchy voice vociferated through the smaller hospital room. Sam was taken aback by the sudden raise in voice.

"I'm sorry. I just-" He stopped himself, leaving abruptly. He had always tried to be as tough as the older brother he once knew. Remorse drenched Dean just as the earlier rainfall had.

"Here," His mom handed a glass of iced water to him, careful that he didn't drop it on his sheets. "Do you need anything else?" He didn't deserve this. He had been such a jackass and here his mom stood, tending to his every needs.

"No, thank you." She nodded lightly and stood by the door for a moment before leaving.

"I'll be right outside if you need anything." She shut the door behind her while wiping her eyes.

"Dean," the same gruff voice whispered from the corner. His teeth bared as the angel came closer.

"What?" He felt the anger flash inside of him once more and he gripped the sheets. Castiel began to come closer, but Dean halted him. "Don't. You. Dare." he hissed.

"I'm sorry," Dean was soft. His emotions were always there, strong and harsh. "I should've told you." He just wanted to know one thing.

"Did you save me?" Castiel walked closer without Dean noticing. He nodded as a response and sat on the edge of the hospital bed. Instantly, his stomach warmed. He missed the time spent together those past couple days. "Why?"

Cas hesitated, fumbling with an answer. Finally, he let it out. "I don't know what love feels like, and I don't know if this is a case of it, but..." he sighed with a small exhale. "I think I love you."

Dean's breath hitched slightly and he reached out to touch Cas' hand. The small gesture returned, making them both smile. "I think I love you too."

***

In less than 24 hours, Dean was discharged under the conditions of close supervision and anti-depressants. He mostly sat in his room, reading and going through social media. He missed Cas a lot, but he couldn't talk about that to his mom. She blamed him for the over-sized botch.

"Psst," a small voice came from his corner. "Dean." He jumped and looked over at the angel leaning back in the wall. His wing shadows visible on the wall behind him.

"Come here." Cas obeyed and walked over. The Winchester began to touch the soft built chest of the angel. "I missed you," He smiled softly.

"Me too," Castiel whispered quietly, touching his lips to Dean's. Their lips parted on each other's, moving slowly; passionately. "A lot." Dean grinned, pressing back to Cas. A hand tousled through Dean's messy hair, running down his side. "Your mom isn't home, neither is Sammy." he observed. Dean liked that idea.

They dropped back into their session, continuing beyond limits they had exceeded that same night out in Cas' little house.

They panted, their breaths lost in the sheets. "I want to change something," Castiel was confused by the sudden statement. "I want to make a difference."

"How?" he panted.

"Well," His breathing had been a bit ragged from... recent activities. "I was thinking we could start a group for people who aren't exactly in the best place in their life." It sounded like a good idea, but launching it would be more of a hassle.

"I'll see what I can do to set it up. Do you want to make fliers?" Dean grinned and gripped Cas' hand gently.

***

2 weeks later, a group called, "Falling is Flying" was launched at the college. There the couple stood in the Calculus room, waiting for students to arrive.

"Maybe nobody will show up." Dean suggested derogatorily. "We should have told more people."

"I think we'll do fine, darling." The door opened as that was said and two students filed in; a male and female. Soon after, a few more, and then two more. Soon the rows held a few students each.

Dean looked at Cas, then began. "My name is Dean Winchester, and this is Cas Elks. Today is the first day of a weekly group. This is not a place to discuss how upset you've been, or the hardships you've been through. This is a place to discuss ways to be happier and enjoy life more. Who's ready?" Dean smiled, and slowly but surly, hands rose.

"First thing's first, who has a happy place? Somewhere they can go to enjoy themselves." Cas' voice rung out across the room. Several raised their hands. "Green shirt, brown hair. Could you please say your name and where you like to go?"

She looked nervous, her cheeks growing red with fluster. "Samantha," She chewed on her bottom lip, thinking. "I like to curl under the blankets and scroll through Tumblr."

"For those who might not know, could you tell us what Tumblr is?" Her eyes brightened sharply and she sat up.

"Let me explain you a thing," she laughed along with her blonde and brunette friends and began.

The session ended and they all filed out. An hour and a half well spent, especially for the amount of citizens that attended on their first day. It was the most fun that Dean had experienced in a while.

Castiel's eyes shut abruptly "I've got to go." he mumbled, flinging his eyes back open. "I'll be back sometime soon." He hugged Dean tightly, kissing his cheek.

"Is it about the war?" Cas nodded shamefully. He wished he didn't have anything to do with the blasted war, but he was an angel who needed to fight for his brothers. Even if it was against other brothers, he still had to protect the good.

"I love you," he whispered.

"I love you too," Dean croaked, but Castiel had already left to serve his comrads.


End file.
